WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
One long-distance flight consumes fuel which a car uses in several years’ time, but they cause the same amount of pollution. So some people think that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourist travel, rather than to limit the use of cars.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
As known by (1) all the individuals (2), pollution is one of the severest (3) threats human beings faced , (4) which result (5) in myriad focuses and worries. However, some people’s idea on flight limitation cannot be accepted by myself (6). Reasons are outlined below.(7)
1.习惯上用介词to。
2.另外，这句话属于废话，纯属凑字数，完全没有意义，直接删掉。
3.severe的比较级/最高级通常是在前面加more/ most，加-r和-st不常用。
4.face这个词可以用主动语态，也可以用被动语态。如果是主动，这里应该是human beings face，如果是被动，这里应该是faced human beings。
5.前面的主语是单数，应该也应该是单数。改为results。
6.这里为何要强调myself? 改为me就可以了。但是，改完以后这个句子还是显得头重脚轻，这不是正常的英语句子。
7.这句话过于简短，突然冒出一个短句让人难以接受。
段落结构：
本段完全没有符合雅思作文开头的要求。文章的题目是“有人提出要限制飞机旅行”，但是你前面的重心都是在讲环境污染。然后突然写“人们对限制飞机的想法难以被我接受”，衔接非常突兀。下面给你提供一个示例。
SAMPLE ANSWER:
Over recent years, some environmentalists propose that non-essential airplanes should be restricted, as they cause severe air pollution. However, I cannot agree with this view and I will outline my reasons as follows.
The explanation given by the person (8) who hold the point is that the flight, especially the long-distance one, consumes fuel which equals the usage of a car for several years. But, a quick look at the facts shows a different picture,(9) they must haven’t calculate (10) the actual usage on (11) per person, as plane is (12) a kind of public transport while car is (12) a private one. One the other hand ,(14) in the view of mine , (15) its conclusion is also ridiculous and unpractical.
8. 这里改为people. 持题目中的观点的不是一个人。
9. 两句话不能用逗号做连接。改为句号。
10. 考试的时候不要出现缩写。另外注意后面动词的形式。应该是calculated。
11. per person本来就可以直接作状语了，前面不能加on。
12. plane和car都是可数名词，都不能“裸用”，即前面不加冠词，后面也不用s。改为复数planes和cars。
13. 连接词乱用。为什么这里是“另一方面”?最后一句话应该放在下一段的首句，或者直接删掉。
14. In my view就可以了，不用这么纠结。
The suggestion from the supporter (15) seem (16) to be an environmental advice at the first sight, but really do (16) serious damage to other aspects (17). Firstly, the sky of the tourism will fall . (18) Maldives, known by the typifier (19) of countries whose economy mainly depend on its (20) tourism, cannot survive if the policy of flight limitation carries out. Furthermore, great amount of staffs (21) at airports will lose their jobs, leading to countless social problems as well as increasing the society burden.
15. 注意名词的使用。这里是泛指，而且不是指一个人，所以应该用复数形式supporters.
16. 注意主谓一致!主语是不可数名词suggestion，谓语动词应该用第三人称单数形式seems才对。后面的do也是does。这一点请尤其注意!
17. 中文中可以说“给其它方面造成了损害”，什么东西的其它方面?你之前讲过什么方面了?这里改为to society就可以了。
18. 不要用这么夸张的短语动词。可以改为the tourism industry will be severely affected. 或者The restriction of non-essential air flights will be a heavy blow to the tourism industry.
19. 这里的“典型”可以用typical example。不要自己造词。
20. staff是集合名词，后面不能加s。另外，前面的“数量”应该用number，而且因为前面没有a，所以后面要加上s，huge numbers of staff。
On the other perspective , (21) freightage (22) will be greatly affected. Having fresh seafood or imported fruits on the dining-table will absolutely become a dream. It will also leads (23) to many other troubles, such as the reduction of international finance , (24) decline in communication and fall in the efficiency of industry.
21. 乱用搭配。perspective表示“观点”，你这样搭配算是什么意思?这里是递进关系，可以用Moreover/ Furthermore这种词来表示。
22. freightage表示“运费”，而且很少使用，一般用freight就可以了。你这里想表达的是“国际物流业”，改为international logistics。
23. will后面怎么能用动词的第三人称单数形式?改为lead。
24. 搭配不当。finance可不能跟reduce连用。改为economic recessions就好了。
In conclusion, airplane (12) should not be limited in (25) any degree, no matter essential or not . (26) In essence, the most effective way against pollution is a process of upgrading, namely, using the advanced and environmental things , (27) just like airplane, to replace the stale ones. (28) So never astrict the new invention. (29)
25. 搭配不当。应该是to。
26. 跑题了!题目只让你写non-essential air flights要不要被禁止，你写essential的干嘛?
27.thing这个词是一个很土的词，因为表达的意思太泛了。
28. 这个结论也很奇怪，不要禁止飞机就可以了，干嘛还要用飞机来替代其它的交通工具?这个有点太过了吧?
29. (1)句子过于简短。(2)为何用祈使句?(3) 单词拼错了，是restrict. (4) 为什么说飞机是new invention?这个跟禁止new invention 有何关系?
总评：
项目 得分 点评
TR 6 基本完成任务要求。
CC 5 连接词出现多处错误，句子之间的衔接有些很突然。
LR 5 词汇量一般，出现了多处用词错误、拼写错误、搭配错误。
GRA 5 主谓一致、单复数等多处出现错误。
总评 5.5 需要认真总结本篇文章中出现的语法错误。一方面要认真钻研语法，另一方面要扩大阅读量，学习常见的词汇、词组和句型，并经常进行练习。
