雅思写作范文:网络代替学校

2012-05-07 17:37:59 句子横线
本文来自雅思作文网liuxue86.com《网络代替学校》。

很多同学发来四段式的作文给我,但是真正能写好四段式的没有几个,下面这篇的错误比较典型,给大家参考。

题目如下:schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home.What extent do you agree or disagree?

Scientific developments have brought us many benefits, among which the internet must be the most spectacular one. In the near future, it might take the place of schools so that it is convenient for children to obtain knowledge.

我很高兴地看到你可以把上课时讲的很多句子和单词应用在这篇四段式文章中,但是我划横线的句子表现出了你一定的倾向性,你可以把这句改为(there has long been a discussion about the opinion that whether the internet could take the place of schools.)这样可以做到客观的引入话题,而不表明观点。

With time going by, Internet has become an encyclopedia in some degree. It seems that there are an increasing number of children are fund of getting information from the Internet. Some of them are in a great need of gaining information while others just surf it as a hobby. As is known to all that encyclopedia is large enough to satisfy those little children and of course the knowledge in textbooks is included. In that case, there is no need to employ teachers to teach children. As a result children can study just as well at home and get a good grade.

However, there are certainly demerits in studying at home with the Internet. People who make the webpages can make mistakes and some knowledge is completely wrong. As a child, it is not an easy job to distinguish the information. Unlike at home, children are able to obtain knowledge in a systematic way. Besides, children who study at home are more withdrawn than those who study at schools. What is more, children don’t require teachers and that means people who now are teachers will lose their jobs. It may cause the dissipation of human resources and their families are in great trouble of making a living.

上面一段有两个问题:

1.负面的问题我觉得分析的不够,错误应该只是一个小的方面,更重要的应该是:没有人引导,孩子的学习效率会比较低下。

2.我读了划横线的句子后,感觉你的观点应该是支持网络替代学校,因为你用了,certainly这个让步词,但是你在下面一段却表明了跟我的猜测相反的观点,前后不一致,这个是致命的错误。

My view is that schools are still necessary in the future. That is the best way for children to not only get their knowledge in a systematic way but also develop their interpersonal skills. Internet is, in the long run , just a tool to widen their horizons.

如果我打分的话,Band 5



liuxue86.com雅思作文网,您的学习好帮手!感谢您阅览《网络代替学校》一文.
分享

热门关注

雅思作文怎么评分 作文部分常见题目有哪些

留学考试常见题目

雅思写作6分是什么水平

雅思写作6分水平

雅思英语作文模板邀请信

邀请信写作模板

雅思写作评分标准细则及标准

雅思写作考试

雅思大作文有哪几种题型

雅思大作文题型

雅思考试作文写作范文分享

考试常用句型

雅思写作时间怎么规划 如何提升雅思写作部分

雅思考试写作

雅思作文有什么写作技巧 如何备考雅思写作

雅思考试作文

雅思写作时间要如何安排 备考雅思写作有什么技巧

雅思写作

雅思写作6.5什么水平 备考雅思写作有哪些方法

雅思写作考试

热门问答